The Konoha Valley School
by SonOfHades96
Summary: AU. We hear from a very unsatisfied Naruto what life at the Konoha Valley School (KVS) is like. Oneshot for now but it can develop into a longer story. Rated for language. Please read & review! It's been a while...


My name is Naruto Uzumaki and to be honest, I know you probably don't care. Shit, I don't even care. But here's the thing: my parents are idiots. They really are. I mean why else would they send me to the Konoha Valley School all the way across the damn country? My dad went here as a child and wants to start some sort of "family tradition" but I know that if I ever had a kid, KVS is the absolute last place I'd ever send them. Don't get me wrong it's a good school when it comes to academics. The teachers here really know their stuff or whatever. It's the kids here that really suck ass. Most are snobby and obnoxious just because they come from rich families. I mean, my family has money too but I sure as hell ain't snobby or obnoxious.

There are a lot of things about this school that really irk me. For starters, it's in the heart of New York City and I know what you're thinking, "how could I hate New York, New York is soooo cool, this and that," but I absolutely can't stand it. I'm a SoCal kid, so I'm used to warm weather and surfing. I dare you to find a good surfing spot in New York. What's more the people of this city are assholes, every last one of them. They're all a bunch of rude jerks. I really have no idea why everyone glorifies New York so much. It's really a terrible place to be in.

Another thing that I hate about this school is the ugly school uniform; a shit-green polo with navy blue slacks and black shoes. What are we, circus freaks? It's absolutely hideous! But everyone around here wears it with so much pride, it's disgusting. And I'm here for the next four years of my life, which means I will be parading around in that ugly school uniform until I graduate. Yay me.

The way it's set up is as follows: campus housing is divided into two sections; girls' dorms on one side, guys on the other. The campus as a whole is pretty big. They have like a gazillion buildings scattered throughout campus. Despite the very large campus size, the school has only about 500 students. Of those 500, only about a third of them are girls since KVS was an all-boys school up until a few years ago. They also have this whole "posse system" for freshmen where you're grouped with two other people and assigned an advisor. The purpose of these "posses" is to get individualized attention or whatever and your advisor basically just makes sure you are keeping up with classes as well as give us advice, hence their title as our advisor. We meet every week to touch base. I have the luxury of being in a group supervised by Kakashi (Teachers here like being called by their first names, weird huh?), the English teacher, with the lovely Sakura Haruno, a total babe, and the misfortune of also being matched up with Sasuke Uchiha, Mr. Popular.

Sasuke, like his older brother Itachi, was recruited to play baseball here at KVS. Nothing is bigger than baseball here and apparently Sasuke is one of the best in the country. And you know, I'm not a hater, honestly. I don't dislike the guy because he's good at baseball, I dislike him because he's the world's biggest dick, and I'm not even exaggerating. Everybody goes gaga over him but he's got to be the biggest jerk on this planet. Before classes began, we had our first posse meeting and the guy refused to acknowledge anybody but Kakashi. He didn't even look my way or Sakura's. To make it worse, Sakura spent the entire meeting drooling over him despite the fact that he was completely ignoring her. If Kakashi hadn't forced him to speak to the group, he might not have looked at us at all. And like I said before, I am not a hater. I just don't believe that being good at something gives anyone the right to be a jerk.

Atleast my roommate isn't so bad. His name is Shikamaru and he's one of the few decent people at this school. He's really laid back, kind of reminds me of a hippy. First day I moved in, there was an odd smell in my hall. Turns out it was old Shikamaru smoking pot. When I opened the door, he was sitting on the floor smoking and the first thing he does is offer me a hit. It's funny because I'm from California and I do not smoke. I never even tried that stuff. I mean, it's not like I have anything against it, a lot of my friends growing up smoked, but it's just not me, you know? Anyway, Shikamaru's a pretty cool guy, with his ponytail and low, usually pink, eyes. He always has a bored expression on his face which I suspect is the result of years of weed smoking. A lot of the teacher's here label him as lazy, which is not too far from the truth. He'll go to extremes for drugs, but not for much else. He has this buddy, Choji, a husky kid, who hangs out with him all the time. I'm not gonna lie and say that Choji's being in our dorm all the time doesn't get annoying, but it's not like Choji's a bad guy, he's actually pretty hilarious. Just don't comment on his weight—ever. I learned that the hard way and I still have the bruise to prove it. Other than this, Choji's a pretty decent dude, I mean; he's not the brightest crayon in the box, but who ever said you need to be intelligent to be decent?

They're in the same posse; Choji and Shikamaru. They also have this really hot girl named Ino. Ino's alright I guess. Her only flaw is, like mostly every girl at this goddam school, drools over that Sasuke jerk. I'm serious! 99.99% of the female population is obsessed with that loser. The other .1% are drooling over some other athlete. That's the thing about KVS; if you're not an athlete, you can forget about picking up any type of chick. Well, maybe you can pick up one of those weirdo chicks like that Hinata girl that follows me around everywhere. I'm so serious, that girl is just plain old weird. If I'm at the library, she's at the library, if I'm in the dining hall, she's in the dining hall, if I'm in a class she's not in, she's righ outside the window! It's quite creepy to be honest. I've even tried to talk to her and get her to fuck off but every time I say a word to the girl she gets all red in the face and starts speaking gibberish, so I just gave up. Girls, huh?

Anyway, that's just a glimpse of what my shitty life is like here at KVS. Feel free to cross this school off your potential schools list, cause it ain't nothing like what the brochure tells you it's like. Yup, the brochure lied to you. Big shocker.


End file.
